Inanimate
by lightmylumiere
Summary: Lumiere and Babette confess things to one another after a scandelous cheating with Cogsworth and a big secret
1. Brother's Keeper

*yes, I know this is really short. I specialize in short—sometimes really short—stories. This is one of the many minis I wrote between Lumiere and Babette, my two favorite characters. I am in Beauty and the Beast, but sadly I am nobody important. I don't own any of the characters!*

Brother's Keeper

He was there, lying on the bed. The window was open, letting in a chilly winter breeze to cure him. But to no avail. Lumiere was human again, yet sliced by a knife just in the knick of time, swift and hard.

"Can I get you anything?" Babette asked, slicking his hair back gently. She sank onto the bed next to him, just as she had before, trying to comfort him. After the spell broke she was his, their new vows to bind them forever.

"Just that piece of rotten scum—" He sat up carefully. Babette had bandaged the wound across his ribcage, a large gash, with blue floral—wait, where was his shirt? He checked to make sure she didn't strip him of his pants too. Nope, he was safe.

"You know I don't like it when you call people names."

"But it's true. Jacques is worthless to me."

"Let's not focus on that."

"Babette, can I tell you something? You can't tell anyone, not a single soul."

"Don't you worry, I won't."

"Jacques is my brother." Her chin dropped as he said those shocking words. "We used to be very close. We would play pirates together, but he always won since he was bigger.

"My mother loved Jacques very much. He was big and strong, something that anyone should be proud of. And smart, had an excellent wit. Overall very sharp, sharp as a knife. Mother used to come up to me and say 'Lumi, don't hurt Jacques, he's my little boy.' Or 'play fair, Lumi' or this one, the one I hated most, 'it's okay, Jacques, we all know you didn't mean to give mean old Lumi a black eye'.

"Then you came and everything changed. He had everything everyone looked for. He was great. But when it came to girls, I was greater. And last night, our night, the night you became mine; jealousy sets in and I— I wasn't prepared for his reaction."

"So you gave up you and your brother's bond for me? Oh, Lumiere!" she hugged him loosely. "you risked your life for love, how brave!"

And as they spoke, the window shut. Babette closed the curtain and locked the doors. The castle, for the first time in a long time was at peace.


	2. Saw Nothing

This is another very short story, just one a little different. This is a snippet of a slightly longer plot that I'm working on, but consider this a scrimmage story. This is a Babette/Cogsworth fluff, and let's say it's hysterical.

Seeing Nothing

The curtain was swaying very briskly. For a change, Cogsworth was nowhere to be found. For a second, Lumiere wondered if—by some miracle—he had fallen away. No, it wasn't in his nature. But there was always a prayer.

Babette was surely waiting for him. But where? She was always hiding, always lurking, planning her next move. It was always a special occasion when she was waiting, wait… no, it really never was. She always had a plan and he always wanted to fall under her prey. And he hoped one day, maybe, he could stoop to her level.

He heard a coy giggle from behind curtain number one. Mrs. Potts came up behind Lumiere, skipping with glee. "Still waiting?" She said, giving a great smile and a loving gesture. Well, that is, as lovely as you can with one of your arms being a spout.

"You say that like it's a first."

"The master won't be excited to know that you are sitting out on the job."

"What else can he expect us to do? I can't walk, I can't cook. I can't even hold a menu!" he waved his waxy forearms in the air. "Does he seriously want us to go on like life is ordinary?"

"You can always start cooking for the prisoner, that's a start."

"Then I guess you just missed my entire speech. We could hardly do this, even when we were human."

"Sorry, love. I understand what your trouble is. Your Darling girl might not do much around here, but she sure does keep all the men here entertained."

"You say that like she's a—"

The curtain caved in. Cogsworth was holding a delicate feathery frame which Lumiere soon realized was his love. Babette had her little red lips against the long winding mustache, and her tongue was on the very tip.

"Lumiere, it's not what it looks like—" Babette said, her tongue still stuck on the tip of his little mustache. "Now, if you could be a doll and just get me out of his mustache—?"

To Be Continued…


	3. Lock and Key

This is another very short story, just one a little different. This is a snippet of a slightly longer plot that I'm working on, but consider this a scrimmage story. This is a Babette/Cogsworth fluff, and let's say it's hysterical.

Seeing Nothing

The curtain was swaying very briskly. For a change, Cogsworth was nowhere to be found. For a second, Lumiere wondered if—by some miracle—he had fallen away. No, it wasn't in his nature. But there was always a prayer.

Babette was surely waiting for him. But where? She was always hiding, always lurking, planning her next move. It was always a special occasion when she was waiting, wait… no, it really never was. She always had a plan and he always wanted to fall under her prey. And he hoped one day, maybe, he could stoop to her level.

He heard a coy giggle from behind curtain number one. Mrs. Potts came up behind Lumiere, skipping with glee. "Still waiting?" She said, giving a great smile and a loving gesture. Well, that is, as lovely as you can with one of your arms being a spout.

"You say that like it's a first."

"The master won't be excited to know that you are sitting out on the job."

"What else can he expect us to do? I can't walk, I can't cook. I can't even hold a menu!" he waved his waxy forearms in the air. "Does he seriously want us to go on like life is ordinary?"

"You can always start cooking for the prisoner, that's a start."

"Then I guess you just missed my entire speech. We could hardly do this, even when we were human."

"Sorry, love. I understand what your trouble is. Your Darling girl might not do much around here, but she sure does keep all the men here entertained."

"You say that like she's a—"

The curtain caved in. Cogsworth was holding a delicate feathery frame which Lumiere soon realized was his love. Babette had her little red lips against the long winding mustache, and her tongue was on the very tip.

"Lumiere, it's not what it looks like—" Babette said, her tongue still stuck on the tip of his little mustache. "Now, if you could be a doll and just get me out of his mustache—?"

To Be Continued…


	4. Truth Is

Truth Is…

"Lumiere, wait!"

Silence.

"Wait, wait, wait!"

Silence.

"Lumiere, this has gone on long enough. I can't lie to you—"

"Then it's settled. We kill Cogsworth by midnight!"

"No, it's not that, it's just that I can't do this."

"Define 'this'."

"I love Cogsworth."

"We all—wait, what?"

"I'm madly in love with Cogsworth."

"And when was that discovered?"

"That night in the wine cellar…"

"I can't hear this."

"I know is seem like an absolute tramp right now, but at least I told you the truth. I knew I would regret it if I didn't and so would—"

"So would who?"

"We may be inanimate, but inside we are all still perfectly human."

"and…?"

"I'm pregnant."

To Be Continued…


	5. All Honesty

All Honesty

"You're _what?_"

"You understand exactly what I mean."

"But—His?"

"_Yours._"

"Mine?"

"Oui, _mon amour._"

"Are you sure?"

"I may be a feather duster, but I think I know."

"This is impossible!" Lumiere pressed his hands around her feathery skirt. "It can't be mine."

"But it is."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You've been so busy caring for the prisoner that I didn't think—I thought you would be sympathetic. You're the strong one. Just please try to care."


	6. The Girl

The Girl

Babette was sweeping down the banister of the main staircase. Lumiere always kept an ear out when she did this. She wanted him to pay attention. And trust me, he did.

But so did the others. Everybody went down rails, and nobody know why anyone cared when she did. But everyone watched in awe as her skirts flew up. Like a child.

Yes, it had been almost a year since the prisoner was there. The two daughters of the immature feather duster were under the adoptive care of Mrs. Potts, a loofah and a soap bar. She regretted everything, but at least she wasn't an enchanted, inexperienced and working parent.

Not that Lumiere would have helped. Cogsworth was riding his butt all the time, until Lumiere set it ablaze. Obviously Cogsworth was _envious _of his and Babette's situation.

Suddenly, the door swung open. Babette hopped from the rail and slid down the stairs landing with an '_oof'_ at the bottom. "Hello? Anyone here? I'm just looking of my father. Anyone home?"

Lumiere stalked the girl up the stairs, Cogsworth running in front of him. "_Mademoiselle_, wait for me!"

Babette went back to the kitchen to feed the screaming twins. "Lumiere was following the girl up to the dungeon. Her father was the prisoner I guess."

"You sound concerned."

"Well, it's just that since I carried his twins he's flirted with every girl that will give him a banter. And what if the girl likes him as much as—"

"Love, no human girl will ever learn to love a candle stick. And anyways, he loves you."

"But it's questionable."

"A human wants a human, not someone to light the way."

"Yet we _still _expect someone to love the _Master._"

"Love works in funny ways, doll."


	7. Dinner Party

Dinner Party

"Ah, Babette." Lumiere cried from across the table. In front of him was a pale-faced girl with long mahoghany hair and a blue dress. Nothing fancy, just a peasant gown. Like the frock Babette wore to bed that last human night with Lumiere. He motioned to her and she scaled the table.

Babette gave a coy smile. "Come to me, my little spark." She swung her feathered hips across the table making him stare down at them. She ran her feathery waist up and down his body, his hands running down her back. He sneezed.

"Oui."

With every step their table-top tango became more intense. She flashed a smile at the guest as she dipped down, Lumiere reigning her in closer. She seemed to be gesturing _I'm watching you new girl and this boy is MINE_.


	8. A Final Fight

A Final Fight

Weeks passed. A man ran into the castle, little boy at his side, trying to kill the master. The girl, or Belle, had disappeared and Babette thought _Good riddance_.

Stab after stab, Belle shrieked. Babette knew saving her poor invisible ears was up to her. Sure, the man was NOT the guy she liked to start a banter with, but he would have to suffice.

She ran her feathery palms through the cleft in his chin. Lumiere burnt his butt and sent him away screaming.

The bells rang and the castle glowed as Master's lips met Belle's.


	9. Back To Sydney

Back To Sydney

Mrs. Potts stood between Babette and Lumiere, the twins at hand and Chip in front of her. Babette had a sick feeling in her stomach. She knew giving up her own flesh was to be regretted. But she couldn't turn back.

"Well, child, I best be on my way to Sydney. The boat won't wait forever." She grabbed Babette's thin muscular arms. "I sure will miss you love."

_Me too, _Babette mouthed, waving at the anxious twins with a singular finger.

"Is something wrong?"

"Is something wrong?"

_Yes. _"Oh, no. I just was thinking, I wasn't ready to—to be a mom." She smiled and gave a final hug to Mrs. Potts. "Thank you for helping me realize that."


	10. Nightmare

Nightmare

She woke up in a sweat.

She was in Lumiere's bed, waiting for him to come back in. She was thin and human, like nothing ever happened.

"But master!" She heard Lumiere scream down the hall.

"I shouldn't have to deal with this type of thing." Cried the boastful prince.

It was a nightmare.

She had a sick feeling in her stomach, and she vomited all over the floor. She knew what came next. The doorbell rang.

She skidded to answer the door. And the Prince never said no to the sexy maid, nor did anyone else for a long time.

_Yeah, right._


End file.
